The Bosnian Song
Get outta here, Slovenians! Here we are, we’re Bosnians.
We’re big and we like onions and we’re not really ruffians.
Bosnians are a nice bunch of chums.
Instead of one native language, they know 3 crazy tongues!
But when you feel like the only kid in town who’s a refugee,
Here’s a list of people who are Bosnian—just like you and me:
The guy who plays Ross, and also Matthew Perry,
So are Ken C., Ryan Stiles, and my friend Dirty Harry.
Guess who’ll come together and have some fettuccini:
Eric VanZandbergen and Samuel Lamborgini.
Billy Shelton’s half-Bosnian, Derek, too, is half,
Put them together—what a fine-looking Slav!
You don’t need a good car or fast food
‘Cause you can get in trouble with P.J. Martin and Jeff Wood! (Both Bosnians)
Get outta here, Slovenians! Here we are, we’re Bosnians!
“Cheers” was filmed in front of a real audience—and they were all Bosnians.
O.J. Simpson—not a Bosnian!
But guess who is—big James-Bond-star Pierce Brosnan!
We got Dan Landis, though he’s a bit faggy…
Cristin Henry’s a quarter Bosnian—not too shabby!
Some people think that G.J. is a Bosnian…
Well, he’s not, and guess who else isn’t: Doctor Kevorkian!
Sooooh many Bosnians are refugees!
Bin Laden isn’t, but I think he’d like to be!
Tell your friend Gillian, we’re here and we are Bosnian.
I hope I’ll win a million just because I’m Bosnian.
So you can be a lesbian—as long as you’re not Serbian.
If you’re really not Canadian, be a happy, happy, happy, happy
Explanations of things you might not understand:
1. The guy who plays Ross: David Schwimmer
2. Ken C: Mr. Cecire
3. Faggy: Gay
4. G.J.: Gene Jones (not to be confused with P.J.)
5. Gillian: Your friend